| Karen's profileWe Have Always Been Ther...PhotosBlogLists |  Tools  Help |
|
8/2/2006 Feeling a bit reclusive...Sometimes I think I don't know myself too well. Thunder is rolling outside, lightning flashing, but the rain hasn't come yet - and I'm feeling a bit like that myself. I am tightly wound and ... something I can't name, but I feel like something is coming & I don't know what. Probably, it can be chalked up to my insomnia and general anxiety. I don't really know.
I have another therapy session tomorrow, but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I believe I'm going to ask my therapist if it would be okay for me to see her weekly for awhile, rather than bi-weekly. I have such a strong desire to learn better behavioral skills to cope with my anxiety, but I'm having trouble sticking to the program on my own. And I'm feeling so weepy lately. ICK. Just ick, really. Terribly boring, isn't it?
Listening to the thunder and my neighbor's yapping dogs, I was struck, as I stood on my front "porch" (it's so small, I don't think it qualifies... it's more a small landing) that I am not missing Meaghan so much tonight. Is that terrible? I love that little girl with all my heart, and I can't say I've really accomplished anything this week, but I've been more free. I haven't had so much time to myself since she was born. And I will be terribly happy when she's back home with me, but I just don't miss her tonight. Does that make me an awful mother? I don't really feel guilty, I think maybe this has been a bit overdue - because though I haven't been sleeping well, I've had a bit of a rest.
I'm babbling. I think I'm going to put on some music and enjoy my alone-ness for awhile, maybe it will help me sleep (though I think I may get in a little blogwalking too). Good night all & God bless!
|
|
|
